5 posts tagged “work”
One thing I worry about in my job is the fact we are undertaking responsibilities that mean the lives of our customers. There are deadlines they have to make, they need something sent out by a certain time and expect it there when we say it'll get there. And, for the most part, it works out wonderfully. They give us business, we're thanked, and we move on with other menial tasks.
Today, though, I almost felt my heart ripped out of my chest. Whatever document he needed to the location today would decide whether his house would be foreclosed. What with the housing economy these days, that's a big deal. I mean, of course it always has been but lately, it's just magnified. And it's like – I don't want that kind of burden on my hands. Yes, it's very selfish despite the fact that this is what we're supposed to do, but whenever something goes wrong there's a lot of guilt involved, and I can't say how much that brings me down. That's also a selfish thing to say – to believe that you are the cause of something that was either inevitable or happenstance, but that's just the way it is.
All I want to do is just greet and talk to people, ring them up, and wish them a good day.
Phooey!
Dark trance music makes me dizzy. It reminds me of smoke and psychedelia, ecstasy and false, transient happiness. I miss it a little bit, but that lifestyle is too crazy for me now. November 2004 was particularly memorable, but that seems like a faraway dream. Drugs are dream-inducers, and it's my fascination for the fantastical that make them particularly appealing. I bring this up only because Trish and Kenneth woke me up at 2AM just to drive across the Golden Gate and watch the city lights from the other end. We stayed in the car, I was half conscious in the backseat, while they played some obscure trance tracks and smoking, laughing, and talking to me even though their words went right through me. They dropped me back two hours later, and they drove back to – well, god knows where, they're natural owls. Sleep during the day, awake during the night; I rarely ever see them.
My eating habits are off. Been nibbling at bits and pieces of fruit, overestimated my hunger and asked for a tall coffee and barely finished a third of it. Speaking of coffee, a lot of customers have been offering us coffee lately. I joked that they're offering so they could drug it and bring us home because we're amazing associates, but I really shouldn't joke about that kind of thing. A lot of customers today have been really rude and feeling self-entitled, disregarding our new policies about certain things, and it was putting me in a bad mood. I'm happy to be home.
Oh. My mom thinks I'm living a famine/feast lifestyle – that was the analogy she offered me anyway, as she scolded me when I asked to leave the house one day. Apparently, my social lifestyle goes as follows: I go through a period of staying home and lazing away like a complete blob, geeking out in front of the television, tuning out the world and whatnot, and then I suddenly have short bursts of desire to leave the house, never coming home or coming home way too late, looking like the undead, etc. This usually lasts for a week before I, once again, succumb to the shell of my home. I'm glad she's concerned, but I don't know how to tell her that I'm, you know, almost 21 and if I feel like never coming home, I shouldn't have to feel obligated to do so. Nevertheless, she manages to make me feel guilty.
I happen to like my lifestyle, a balance of both worlds, I guess. And at least I keep up with my responsibilities – just that I happen to look like I haven't slept at all (half-true), which makes me terribly moody and hating the world and sunlight. I'm secretly some kind of vampire, I know it.
Lately, a lot of people I know have been confronted by disturbances in their lives – family issues, love quandaries, and so on. I just want to hug everyone and listen to them vent; it actually helps in ignoring my insignificant ones. Also, people (including random customers) have been telling me (after the fact) that so-and-so have died. I feel so useless and insensitive when others confide in me the death of a loved one. I know that the polite thing to say is, 'I'm sorry for your loss' and wish them well – some variation thereof. But I just stand or sit there and nod, nervously looking away because I, personally, don't feel comfortable when people apologize for my losses. I keep thinking people are the same. And that's such a selfish way of looking at it. I don't know where I'm going with this.
This is not meant to be a pessimistic post but about random things I've been wanting to bring up for a while. In other geek-related news, I think I'm going to buy me a Macbook Pro soon since my old iBook is dying out on me. The Macbook Pro is gorgeous, and it's seriously calling out to me. I think it's definitely a must-purchase at this point. Therefore, one must by a slip cover for it, etc.
I've been really materialistic lately, it's disgusting. :)
I post too much; I need to stop, but somehow I have been doing a great many things that I want documented for some reason or another. Cheese and bananas.
But oh my god, oh my god, I finally sent out my résumé and am bloody nervous. Sending them through e-mail is a tricky process though, if only for the fact I know some businesses are wary of attached files; the associate I sent it to never specified a preference. And yes, I do worry about these things because they clearly matter. Writing résumés and attempting to advertise yourself as this overly amazing and professional candidate when you're realistically a goofball with a penchant for the casual is like this death trap.
If it was possible and more related to my major, I would rather work for – well, I don't know. I'd say Google or Apple just because. Does anyone really need any other reason to work for them? Hardly.
And I got a call from a representative for blood donations, and now I have an appointment for next Tuesday afternoon at 5PM in Millbrae . I expect to faint – again. Faint for blood; it's all the rage these days (a potential slogan for people like me, obviously). They call at strange hours, too.
Oh, haha, love of my life:
Me: I feel so deprived.
Bryan: Of what, exactly?
Me: Not sure, you tell me.
Bryan: I bet it starts with an 's' and ends in 'ex'.
Me: Ew, don't touch me.
Bryan: Ew? No one says that to me.
Me: Your ego is suffocating me.
Bryan: It only aims to please you.
Me: Cue gag reflex.
Bryan: Paper or plastic?
Apparently, despite my 'fool-proof' attention to detail during the Christmas rush, I made a big switch up with phones going to Alameda and somewhere in New York. :( I feel like an idiot now, not only because the customer was super duper nice but that he works a couple of stores down from where I do - and probably now has me burned into his memory to avoid me at all costs - in which I will gladly help by ducking and covering whenever I see him. (Oi, he was pretty cute too, but not that that's relevant here.)
ETA: OMG, YESPLZ. Tim Burton is my effing idol. And a movie adaptation of American McGee's Alice is supposed to be out in 2008. So yay!
I say, "And just to let you know, once this transaction is finished, it's non-refundable."
And he goes, "Who would do that if you're working here?"
Excuse me while I cringe and wonder why creepy, married men think it's okay to say things like that.
