4 posts tagged “people”
The talking was nice. And the silence was nice, though that might have been just me because I do find repose in the quietude. Stars were bright, but one was brighter and I'm still convinced that spherical shapes have nothing to do with direction. Whatever happened early yesterday about my thoughts on them wasn't on my mind anymore, although they did worm themselves into the conversation somehow in the end – and continued mostly because I don't know how to stop thinking, oh my god – and I kind of wanted to kick myself.
Otherwise, I'm not sure what else. I stopped bringing people there after Jay and all (seven years ago, wow), and I expected to have a meltdown of grand proportions but it was fine. Staying up there sometimes – yeah, there are occasions where you feel like the tiniest and loneliest person in the world just because in the dark, in the middle of the big city and complete nothingness, there's no one but you. It's humbling, but last night didn't feel that way at all. I should bring others there more often, but it's always been our spot, which has always been shared between two people – three at the most but even that was very rare. I don't have it in me to break those numbers. Anyway.
People surprise you.
(But in a good way.)
And I am feeling much better today.
The sun + people + Jimmy Eat World = :)
I never want this feeling to go away. It's nice to feel weightless and unburdened. Sure, I've felt elated and punch drunk before but not in the sense that – that, well – oh.
This state is difficult to put into words, but it's definitely meaningful.
That aside, wow, do I feel lousy. Donated blood last night, had a reaction again (no surprise), and am still slightly reeling from it. A bit light-headed and tired, and everyone thinks I'm abnormal since this happens all the time. Everyone's a bit too melodramatic; I'm fully capable in donating blood – just not more than twice a year, I suppose. That was the suggestion, anyway. And now my mom is going to take my blood pressure twice a month because of what happened.
Joy.
And she calls me paranoid. Bah.
Today was my first class, twice a week. My professor is weird and has a thick accent, but it's obvious to see he's motivated. He's interesting for lack of a better word, but he has this tendency to deviate from the subject. I'm anticipating discussions on the controversial issues later in the semester, mainly because I like to know how well my peers express themselves on political matters but as well as what their opinions are and where they stand, etc. Debates are always intriguing.
Oh, and I was surprised to discover that an old elementary classmate is in my class. Still the same, dresses the same, etc. This proved further amusing when he went to pick up a friend, I assume, in my neighborhood (or at least outside the gate). I think this is funny because I am clearly connected with others as much as I want to distance myself. Great.
Interesting year, absolutely.
Some things have ended and other things are – well, I hope to think they're going somewhere. Strangely, recent events haven't affected me so much as they would have a week ago. Either I've conditioned myself properly to expect disappointment and take it, or maybe I just stopped caring when I accepted the fact that nothing would be the same. Whatever the case, I'm kind of happy. (And I say kind of because it's bizarre to feel this way considering the circumstances that got me here.)
And I suppose I was none too surprised, as the end result was something my mom had predicted when everything had started about a month ago, give or take. Funny how old events feel like they just happened when things that have just happened feel like they've occurred months ago. Again, maybe I'm just getting used to it. And maybe I don't mind being some kind of stranger if only I'm allowed to start over. In words of many people I've sought advice, things can only get better (knowing me, however, I could probably make things worse but anyway!).
People amuse me; my work amuses me; I amuse myself in ways I can only find annoying. See, I made the mistake of being happy, friendly, and awfully conversational today with everyone. This has quite the effect on random individuals, I've noticed. Married or single, boy or girl – I'm clearly very magnetic because people respond to it.
(I try to de-stress myself by thinking it's just because I'm a fantastic person, but we all know how ridiculous that is so I'm going to pretend it's because I'm nice. Yes, nice.)
Um, what else. Blood donation appointment in three days, school in four – I now have a reason to shop for pens and paper! And grab a scrapbook while I'm at it. I'm really getting into photographing portraits – especially candids. We'll see how that goes!
Putting up a façade for those I know who have lied to me in the past and continue to do so in the present and future 'for my sake' absolutely shatters me. What's worse is I'll smile and continue to play it off like I know nothing, and I'm good at it.
