5 posts tagged “family”

Philosophical moment, conveniently brought to you by half a glass of red wine and crackers.  Not bad, but I'm opting out of saltine next time in place of some other brand.

Why do people do the things that they do?  I have a difficult time with the concept of one or the other, mainly because I think it's so silly.  Maybe not even that.  I don't know, it's challenging to put this into words because, as I said, it's not something I can comprehend really well.  I get it but not really.

The human heart and mind are well beyond my capacity of understanding, but in my efforts to attempt to do so, I find myself becoming more cynical and bitter about them.  Not sure if that's healthy or not.

What it comes down to is this:  why is it necessary to sacrifice something to salvage another?

Just one of those questions that are impossible to answer, given that one needs to take into account every thinly-veiled aspect in conjunction to the ideas presented above.  Or maybe that's just my take.

In other un-related, non-philosophical musings:

• I bought a carton of cigarettes for my mom on Thursday; she asked me to buy another on yesterday evening in which I expressed, You finished them already?  And I stressed already, and though I was shocked, there must have been another way I was saying it because she looked slightly chagrined.  I felt kind of bad for doing it, but three days?  I had been under the impression that, despite smoking regularly, each occasion was spaced out.

• As I went to buy it, I was informed with genuine surprise that I looked seventeen.  Not entirely sure how to take that.

• Speaking of smokes, I am extremely suspicious of someone in this house smoking (medicinal or otherwise) marijuana.  And last I checked, there are no cigarettes that smell like marijuana.

• And on the topic of said suspect, he and my mom should just get a divorce.  I'm tired of them arguing, and they're a golden example of why relationships are the very breed of evil.  I despise the way he talks to her, and he's just not a good father figure.

• Speaking of father figures, I notice that I do that a lot with people I meet.  Like I gauge an idea about how so-and-so would be as a father (and there's an underlying to me) or whether someone makes a good brotherly figure (another underlying to me).  And I have to admit I'm really envious of people who have good relationships with their fathers and/or brothers, and I'm always quick to say that I'd love an exchange if I could.  If I had it my way, aside from my mom, I would want a good dad and a good older sibling (preferably a brother), neither of which I have (because the ones I do have are useless and terrible).

• Yeah, that was a little bitter.

Man is in love, and loves what vanishes.
– W.B. Yeats

Fairly self-explanatory, adapting it to every part of life imaginable.  Currently in a very tricky spot, you know, but there's tragedy and beauty – both interchangeable – here.

Reading and re-reading my book collection, starting with Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury.

monkeys

Never really a good idea to casually mention how much you have saved in the bank to a particularly financially irresponsible relative, who has it in good authority to take advantage of how much she should charge you for things.

I should just say I'm horrendously poor or something by spending frivolously on Apple products and other sorts of material things.

When money is involved, the only person I trust is my mom.  And myself, thank you very much.

Stupid, but I flinch and cower, feel nine-years-old again and altogether helpless when people yell.

Days like today make me flustered, disappointed, angry, and bitterly remorseful. When my mom and stepdad get into one of their insignificant arguments, I'm hard-pressed into wondering why they continue to stay together. Maybe I have a bias, and I wholly dislike it when anyone yells, chastises, and condescendingly addresses my mom over something really trivial (there is irony in here somewhere, but that would require too much backstory). It doesn't help that my stepdad's voice – naturally loud and booming – exacerbates my dislike because I immediately equate it to aggression.

Not his fault, I guess, but I flinch and am tempted to stroll into their bedroom and tell them to just get a divorce because I'm sick of it. They do sort things out eventually, which is more than I can say about my mom and dad's marriage, but it doesn't do anything for me. Like am I supposed to act chipper all of a sudden because they fixed whatever rough patch they've fallen?

And I understand that, realistically, a relationship isn't considered healthy if there is no arguing. There are certain topics I agree are marginally in gray areas and will only lead to a sort of bickering, but not when they're over things that two partners should know about each other. A hypothetical situation:

Person A asks a particular question to Person B that offends him/her. Theoretically, Person A should henceforth understand that said particular question should never be posed again or at least approached in a different manner.

But what do I know? My experiences are nil and my expectations are romanticized and idealized by the media.

In other equally vapid and insignificant news, by the time I've finished making four quesadillas I've managed to make myself full with a cup of ice chips and water. Go figure!